When I came to the ballet class, I felt tired and frustrated. I had to again switch to the left eye for cosmetic reasons, and it took some presence to allow the eyes to get aligned by looking at the surface and seeing shape of my face in the reflection on the surface of my phone. This is, of course, in contrast to the habitual way of just looking at a mirror like a photo or a monitor screen.
Apart from the anxiety, now that the right eye had been leading for some time, leading with the left eye was difficult again. There were some little things that I didn't notice but that I recall now. For example, I was probably able to focus on my hand as I looked at it on one occasion, when instructed to do so.
Overall, however, even though I was somewhat depressed and frustrated, my spatial awareness was growing like it had been for the several days prior to that. The new spatial awareness included being at some point in the studio with some things directly above me. I already had an experience on Wednesday when it was pointed out to me that I was not doing the plie direclty up or down, and that I could visualize a string going up (this was accompanied by a demonstration of the direction "up" with a hand or a finger), and somehow I was able to visualize or feel a really vertical string, different than before.
Continuing with yesterday experience, I felt much more that there was some space around me on the same level, as well as some above. I felt rather than saw it. It seems, as I already suggested in my previous posts, that binocular experience from an early childhood allows us to learn or feel other things that technically do not even require eyes. That is, if I close my eyes, I can still keep my new spatial awareness. I am not sure, though, may be this spatial awareness involves visualization from the visual cortex and is using some of the binocular vision mechanism.
The turning, even though lousy, was very different. It felt more objectified, like I was an object turning around some axis located at some specific place in space, rather than overly subjective, all about my experience of turning.
Also, as I had started to discover in the last few days, and as I realized intellectually even before discovering, when you are watching a teacher demonstrate or other dancers dance in a dance class, it is helpful to see things in volume, in the space, even if it feels like relying on visual cues. If the dancer of the teacher is moving, then technically one eye should be enough to perceive volume, but wrong visual habits prevented me from seeing it. Also, I had often used the mirror as a flat screen, and I had often been confused when I looked differently at different angles, and tried to adjust myself in space to achieve a certain effect in a 2-dimensional mirror. (I realized and started to experience this only a few days ago that the reflection in a mirror is also 3-dimensional.)
What felt different on Wednesday and much more so yesterday was the growing feeling that "I am right here, right now, and I can perceive myself in relation to this thing and that things and that thing" as opposed to "I am right here, right now, and this is my experience right now. I see that there are all those things around me, some closer, others farther away."
Apart from the anxiety, now that the right eye had been leading for some time, leading with the left eye was difficult again. There were some little things that I didn't notice but that I recall now. For example, I was probably able to focus on my hand as I looked at it on one occasion, when instructed to do so.
Overall, however, even though I was somewhat depressed and frustrated, my spatial awareness was growing like it had been for the several days prior to that. The new spatial awareness included being at some point in the studio with some things directly above me. I already had an experience on Wednesday when it was pointed out to me that I was not doing the plie direclty up or down, and that I could visualize a string going up (this was accompanied by a demonstration of the direction "up" with a hand or a finger), and somehow I was able to visualize or feel a really vertical string, different than before.
Continuing with yesterday experience, I felt much more that there was some space around me on the same level, as well as some above. I felt rather than saw it. It seems, as I already suggested in my previous posts, that binocular experience from an early childhood allows us to learn or feel other things that technically do not even require eyes. That is, if I close my eyes, I can still keep my new spatial awareness. I am not sure, though, may be this spatial awareness involves visualization from the visual cortex and is using some of the binocular vision mechanism.
The turning, even though lousy, was very different. It felt more objectified, like I was an object turning around some axis located at some specific place in space, rather than overly subjective, all about my experience of turning.
Also, as I had started to discover in the last few days, and as I realized intellectually even before discovering, when you are watching a teacher demonstrate or other dancers dance in a dance class, it is helpful to see things in volume, in the space, even if it feels like relying on visual cues. If the dancer of the teacher is moving, then technically one eye should be enough to perceive volume, but wrong visual habits prevented me from seeing it. Also, I had often used the mirror as a flat screen, and I had often been confused when I looked differently at different angles, and tried to adjust myself in space to achieve a certain effect in a 2-dimensional mirror. (I realized and started to experience this only a few days ago that the reflection in a mirror is also 3-dimensional.)
What felt different on Wednesday and much more so yesterday was the growing feeling that "I am right here, right now, and I can perceive myself in relation to this thing and that things and that thing" as opposed to "I am right here, right now, and this is my experience right now. I see that there are all those things around me, some closer, others farther away."
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