When we interact with another person, we are creating inside ourselves a little copy of this person. I noticed this effect when my mother was visiting me from Russia two months ago. After she left I noticed for a few days how I would sometimes speak in her voice, with her expressions, while literally feeling the same way as I was feeling when she was present, as if I was a medium for expressing her.
This explain why people so often advise to change yourself instead of trying to change somebody else. If you behave in a certain way, or if you are feeling about yourself in a certain way, other people interacting with you build copy of you inside themselves, so they also start to behave in a certain way or to feel about themselves in a certain way. On the other hand, if you try to make them to behave in a certain way, then via the mirror effect, they will... also start trying to make other people behave in certain ways.
If you sacrifice your happiness for the happiness of your own children, and they can feel that, they may well learn to sacrifice their happiness for somebody else's instead of actually being happy. On the other hand, if you try to make yourself happy, if you love yourself, people interacting with you pick up this attitude and start to feel happy and to love themselves. Since they feel happy in your presence, they come to love you as well.
I know, this idea to try to make other people happy sounds incredibly logical because we are so used to it. However, it is also counterintuitive. Why wouldn't you want to love yourself first? I know, we have all been told stories about selfish egoists, those mythical creatures who only care about themselves and do everything for themselves. I am yet to meet one of them.
The mirror effect is the strongest with children because they don't have any other patterns to react to you, so they end up internalizing whatever patterns you present. Yet I am sure that it operates at all levels. This is why it often, though not always, makes sense to meet violence with love and peaceful disobedience: love gets mirrored back, whereas disobedience helps to not reinforce the pattern of aggression while reflected love is doing its work. If you respond to violence with violence, you are in effect creating two mirrors aimed at each other, endlessly magnifying this energy.
So be the love. Embody compassion, happiness, and generosity. People will mirror these qualities from you, and then, naturally, direct these compassion and generosity towards you. There is no magic here, just a deeper understanding of the way human beings interact with one another.
This explain why people so often advise to change yourself instead of trying to change somebody else. If you behave in a certain way, or if you are feeling about yourself in a certain way, other people interacting with you build copy of you inside themselves, so they also start to behave in a certain way or to feel about themselves in a certain way. On the other hand, if you try to make them to behave in a certain way, then via the mirror effect, they will... also start trying to make other people behave in certain ways.
If you sacrifice your happiness for the happiness of your own children, and they can feel that, they may well learn to sacrifice their happiness for somebody else's instead of actually being happy. On the other hand, if you try to make yourself happy, if you love yourself, people interacting with you pick up this attitude and start to feel happy and to love themselves. Since they feel happy in your presence, they come to love you as well.
I know, this idea to try to make other people happy sounds incredibly logical because we are so used to it. However, it is also counterintuitive. Why wouldn't you want to love yourself first? I know, we have all been told stories about selfish egoists, those mythical creatures who only care about themselves and do everything for themselves. I am yet to meet one of them.
The mirror effect is the strongest with children because they don't have any other patterns to react to you, so they end up internalizing whatever patterns you present. Yet I am sure that it operates at all levels. This is why it often, though not always, makes sense to meet violence with love and peaceful disobedience: love gets mirrored back, whereas disobedience helps to not reinforce the pattern of aggression while reflected love is doing its work. If you respond to violence with violence, you are in effect creating two mirrors aimed at each other, endlessly magnifying this energy.
So be the love. Embody compassion, happiness, and generosity. People will mirror these qualities from you, and then, naturally, direct these compassion and generosity towards you. There is no magic here, just a deeper understanding of the way human beings interact with one another.
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